Please do not think I have forgotten about my quest, yes, some people want money, some people want fame but all I want is to be a Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender Icon!…Which is actually a bit like wanting fame.
Don’t be thinking I’m a Heterophobe or anything though (It’s a bit weird that word isn’t in the spell-check isn’t it?!? Eh? Eh? You know what I’m saying) I haven’t got a problem with straight people, a lot of my friends are straight and my favourite types of straight people are female, aged 21-50 with a large sexual appetite and get turned on by six foot five Batman loving, Aston Villa supporting men called Jack. There's never a bad time to have a bit of straight in you...oh I don't even know what that means or where it's going :S
Of course I am only in the early stages on my quest to reach the mantle of LGBT Icon, I realise this and there are lots of things I do not know yet
For instance I was wondering what is it like for a lesbian if a man gets an erection over you? Do you smile at the compliment but feel a bit sorry for them as they've wasted energy? Although if you are sitting next to each other on a bus, maybe you shouldn’t worry as it may have been obtained for different reasons. That happened to me once when I was about sixteen, I was sitting on the bus coming home from school and the rumblings of the bus made me get a lob-on but this old lady (Well she was old when I was 16 she was probably only thirty-five) was sitting next to me and my stop was coming up so I had to say ‘Excuse me’ and get up and go but she had a little glance and I’m not saying I’m King Dong or anything but she saw the crime scene and gave me the filthiest smile that I’ve ever seen…I wonder where she is now…although she might have been a lesbian and was smiling at the compliment but feeling a bit sorry for my wasted energy…or knew I’d got it from bus rumblings and not caring a jot.
But also I want to ask about a weird phenomenon I have encountered five times, which is actually quite a lot I feel. The thing is though, is that I can’t think of a name for them, TLO suggested ‘Pretender Benders’ (Which may give you a clue in to their way of going about things) but I’m not feeling that one. They are people who use the power of Gay for evil ways…it’s not very clear is it? Let me give you an example of one and see what you think -
I used to know this lady who had a friend who said he was gay however never once did he partake in any sexual happenings with a member of the same sex, now that’s ok maybe he’s just a bit shy, fair enough, the same with the fact he only seemed to fancy straight men which is also fine, although he used to say every man he fancied was in fact in the closet, he didn’t want anyone he fancied to know he fancied them and one time a guy found out and was perfectly fine with it but the gay guy went ballistic at his friends for telling the guy and I mean properly mental style, I think he smashed a glass, which is a bit mad isn’t it? Then on a night out one time he tried to tongue one of his female friends, again fair enough everyone likes a mess about and I know loads of Homosexual and Bisexual (Obviously) guys who love to snog up women. One night he slept over at my female friends’ house and as the night wore on he got gradually more and more sexual with her until she had to tell him to sleep on the floor but he refused so she said she’d feel more comfortable if at least one of them slept on the floor so she did, she had to go to the bathroom to brush her teeth and when she came back he was sniffing a pair of her knickers (That sounds like a perverted version of Old Mother Hubbard). I can’t think at this point of an explanation for him doing this and remaining homosexual or even bisexual due to his blatant non-attraction to men but if you can please let me know, although the last time we saw him he was engaged to a woman so your explanation is probably bollocks I am afraid, he is straight.
Now what I’m asking you lovely lot out there is…well…basically, what do you think about it?!? I did say I have came across four more people who acted in a similar way who were all male, all pretended to be gay, just to have a peep at some up close lady parts but they were never as full on. I’ve never met any females who acted in the reverse way but that’s probably because blokes want to show their bits & bobs to women anyway, especially lesbians, where as women are a bit more private about this type of affair, well most are anyway. Incidentally, if you yourself are a lady between the ages of 21 and 50 and want to show me your parts, upstairs, downstairs or the whole house, I don’t mind, so please do.
That last sentence above gives a clue to my conflicting feelings about the afore-mentioned practice. Yes, I am horrified, it is underhand and sinister however I’ve spent most of my life tirelessly trying to see and touch lady parts but I’ve gone about it in an ‘honest’ way if you know what I mean? Perhaps honest isn’t the word…well lets just say I always made my intentions clear in my methods, I was all about the ‘I want to touch that and that and especially that because you are attractive and I like doing this for sexual reasons’ not ‘Oh yeah I’m Gay, totally Gayicised honestly, so if you show me your grass and mountains it will not have any effect on me apart from purely plutonic admiration’ but maybe I should have done?!? It seems a lot easier. Well easier with the first part, seeing, maybe not so much for moving on to the touching…although I could say I was ‘checking for irregularities as a concerned friend’…Mmmm that could work…No! I’ve got to snap out of it!
So in my role as a wannabe LGBT Icon, how do I react to these people? Praise them as Genius Masters of Disguise who are siphoning attributes of Homosexuality for their own evil intentions and welcome them in but maybe make them sit together on their own table in the corner like the table of ‘friends’ at a wedding, who no one actually knows because they‘re not technically friends or family but have been invited to make the numbers up because they take an interest or dismiss them as sinister pretenders, sullying the good name of Gay, parasites to the Homosexual World?
To finish this blog here are two sides of two LGBT icons - The Cliks & Patrick Wolf
- Location:I don't want to play around
- Music:I don't want nobody's baby
The process has three steps. The First step is scouring the surroundings for the ‘least dangerous looking one’, My Mom is the worst for that, for two reasons, she has silly reasons for thinking someone is dangerous and mainly because she always performs her interior monologues on an exterior level “Now who can I get to take this picture of us all standing in front of this lovely river?…No not him he’s wearing those sunglasses that are normal glasses too when you do a little flip, clearly an axe murderer, nor her she’s got a strange hat on…ah him, he looks good - No! He has bright red trousers on! Step away from him!” the worst thing about this is she goes through all this whilst wandering inches away from all these people and then making a sharp heel turn when she decides they are too strange leaving them looking bemused by the dangerous woman who keeps charging up to people and insulting them for no apparent reason brandishing a camera. I don’t know why it matters how peculiar someone looks in this circumstance anyway, they’re only taking our picture not getting married or anything, fair enough if there was a man leaning up against railing with his one hand holding a large mallet and the other one a massive sack, or busy rummaging in his pocket and licking his lips, not that he has three hands, these are just alternatives, if anything a three handed person would be ideal to take a picture, could hold the camera with two and still rummage in his pocket with the other.
The second step has two parts to it, especially for the shy and reserved amongst us and that is the paranoia that the stranger will think you are the dangerous person. Has anyone ever said no though? Has that ever happened in the history of the world? That there were a few people admiring a view separately and one stranger said to another ‘Excuse me, could you take a picture of me and my Mom standing in front of this cathedral?” and the person has said flatly “No” you would have to be the most miserable bastard ever to do that it’s no exertion. The second part of the second step is a little thing I like to call ‘One track mind’ and it is the most pressurised part for anyone involved. When you are the one taking the picture for the strangers, in your head you are screaming (Unless you are my Mom then you’re saying it out loud) “I hope I don’t take a rubbish picture and wreck their holiday! I hope I don’t take a rubbish picture and wreck their holiday!” In the old days before digital cameras this wasn’t so bad because no one would know what the picture would look like until they were developed when they got home and by that time you’d be long gone and avoid any telling off for taking a bad picture…unless they really were a dangerous person and track you down to punish you or you go on holiday to the same place everywhere and they do. Unfortunately these days you can tell what the picture looks like almost straight away and have to take the brunt. So you’ve got the ‘I hope I don’t take a rubbish picture…’ thing going on inside the picture takers’ mind and then in the posers mind it’s “Please don’t make a run for it and steal my camera you’ll wreck our holiday! I’ve trusted you, you little bastard, God damn it I’ve put my faith not only in you but in humanity please don’t make me doubt the kindness of strangers!” or a mantra to that effect. Maybe that’s why you look like that in photos taken by strangers, you’re so tense you stand up straight and grit your teeth.
The third part used to be a lot easier before the digital age I just mentioned. There was a massive sense of relief after the picture was taken for all concerned, the ordeal was over, you’d thank the kind stranger and part company but now there is the agonising moment where you look at the little LCD screen to see what the picture has turned out like. As the picture taker in this circumstance you are never sure if your job is over is or not so you sort of loiter around trying to sneak a peek at your handiwork while fretting if they are going to ask you to take it again and the pressure will multiply. No one ever does though, or shouldn’t anyway, if you do then stop being so bloody picky! Even if your heads are cut off save the embarrassment and be on your way. There is one worry for the posers as well, if the taker will ask for a tip, you shouldn’t do this either, you didn’t do an oil painting or anything you just pressed one button, you don’t deserve money for it. I heard a rumour that homeless people hang about landmarks in London and ask for money to take your picture, if this is true I hope they wear sandwich boards with this information because intentions like that should be clear to a person so they can make an informed decision what to do. The worst thing of all is when you are alone in a place and you want pictures with you in to prove you actually went there and haven’t just got the pictures off Google. You have to ask people though otherwise you get those ‘SquintyPaleFromTheFlashAndTheThingYouWa
- Location:suck a toe
- Mood:
swallowing - Music:lick a finger
Do you know what I like? People with important jobs that have silly names, like Caroline Slowcock who is Chief Executive of the Equal Opportunities Commission, that’s a pretty important job isn’t it? I’m sure she is good at it, in fact I can see why she has gone in to that line of work, maybe to make sure people with silly names get equal opportunities in the work field. Where has that come from anyway? I thought surnames were supposed to mean something or come from a job like Baker or Butcher etc.
There are four sections apparently, 1. ‘Nicknames describing person or personality’ like ‘Reid’ which means ‘Red, ruddy complexion or red hair’ (I do actually have a friend with the last name Reidy who fits that description) , 2. ‘Occupation or social status’ for example ‘Powers’ which means poor or taken a vow of poverty (You’d think it’d mean the opposite) 3. ‘Lives near locality/place’ what do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff. And last but by no means least 4. ‘Patronymic, which means it’s taken from the first name of the father like Mc- /Mac- - which is the Scottish version. I’m not so sure about that one though because does it mean somewhere in Michael McIntyre’s’ family someone was called Intyre? Sounds more like the place one. I should have used a different example…I will…for example ‘Peters’ is used in England and Germany to show someone is someone else’s son like in this case they would be the son of Peter, it‘s the added ‘s‘ part…makes it sound like a possession though…I’ll use the most simplest example ‘Peterson’ which originates from Sweden and is pretty straight forward, in this case the person would again be the son of someone called Peter.
But the question is, Where did Slowcock come from? Well I did a bit of research…It has Medieval English origins with two possible meanings, either the ‘Lives near locality/place’ category from ‘A dweller by a slough or miry place’ which is from the Old English pre 7th Century 'sloh' or the ’Nicknames describing person or personality’ section describing a ‘Slow, relaxed person’ that comes from the Old English 'slaw', meaning slow, or dull, but this one mainly applies to the variant spelling of the name ‘Slucock’ and ‘Slewcock’ I had a feeling it was gonna come from the ‘Nickname’ bit but for a different reason, anyhow, that’s only the first part, what about the cock?
Again the ‘cock’ part does not come from the place I thought it was going to if you know what I’m saying? But it did teach me something I didn‘t know, it‘s from the description of something being small, so there you go, blokes don’t have to feel bad it’s supposed to be tiny.
The more I looked in to it, the more I realised the name ‘Slowcock’ is not to be mocked, that almost rhymes, it’s better than mine anyway, mine means ’Wild Boar’ which is a big fat pig basically isn’t it? Spot on to be fair. Anyway don’t mock the Slowcock because it covers three of the four section as it also can be applied to the 'son of' part as it alludes to the smallness and someone’s’ child is small…to begin with anyway. I read that little bit back and it sounds like I’m joking but I’m not, Cock can mean ‘son of’…that’s a bit of madness isn’t it? It is one of the tools used to make babies though isn’t it I suppose so it makes sense.
A lot of you that got pregnant at the same time have had your babies now haven’t you? Well I don’t know why I’m asking because you are probably aware of this, of your own one anyway, I like having Yummy Mummies on my friends list : )
I was thinking though, when do you become a MILF? Is it when you’ve actually had the baby or can the honour be bestowed upon you while the bun is still baking? I suppose at that time you are a BISBILF then you transform in to a MILF once the baby has popped out…like a metamorphosis
Here is a joke that I heard on the TV the other day that I liked and also ties in sort of with pregnancy -
What do you call bees that make milk? Boo-Bees : )
No walls can keep me protected. No sleet - nothing between me and the rain and you can't save me now, I'm in the grip of a hurricane. I'm going to blow myself away. I'm going out, I'm going to drink myself to death and in the crowd I see you with someone else, I brace myself 'cause I know it's going to hurt but I like to think at least things can't get any worse. No home, don't want shelter. No calm, nothing to keep me from the storm and you can't hold me down, 'cause I belong to the hurricane, it's going to blow this all away. I hope that you see me, 'cause I'm staring at you but when you look over, you look right through, then you lean and kiss her on the head and I never felt so alive and so dead.
- Location:out
- Mood:
pensive - Music:all the way
It’s alright he wasn’t constructing a masterpiece or anything, just writing something that began ‘Fuck this’ but he never got to finish (Or maybe he did, just making a short sharp negative statement) because of my Mom shouting at him. She waved a baguette that she’d just got out the car boot at him, she has to be careful in this day and age doing stuff like that, counts for assault that does these days doesn‘t it?. The little kid one-upped her in the insulting stakes anyway doing ‘the naughty two fingers with both hands and wrist-wiggling’ so it was sort of two swears doubly combined and said ‘Fuck off you Nazi’ then ran away, I don’t think the Nazis warned people off graffitiing with baguettes though did they? They would’ve just shot him.
You may wonder what type of son am I that allows his mother to be abused in such a way but he was about ten and with what I’ve just written about the modern social climate I would have been hung from the nearest lamp-post if I’d kicked him up the arse or something wouldn’t I? (I wouldn’t have been able to catch the nippy little bugger anyway, not with these smoker lungs) Plus my Mom wasn’t that bothered anyway, she had obtained her prevention victory with his retreat and did a little snort-laugh that was a mixture of outrage and victory.
A lot of Make-up tutorials knocking about on Youtube now isn’t there?!? The whole place is being taken over by the things, I already have the ‘easy and cheap smoky-eyed look‘, albeit a different kind…and not so cheap.
Talking of smoking, before I wrote this I went for a cheeky little one out in the garden, blooming hell it’s freezing. It’s an experience having a smoke in the chill, double dragon action, I remember when TLO first started smoking he thought it warmed you up in the cold…he was disappointed the foolish fellow
- Location:truth
- Music:honour
He spoke to them in this sort of informal polite friendly juxtaposition, which is what you’d do I suppose. You’re still young so you speak like you are young innit? But you have to keep that line of authority of being a teacher. The cracks of youth showed through anyway, someone did a sneezey fart type of noise up the carriage and they laughed and he laughed with them hehe, well you would wouldn’t you? I laughed, you should have heard it, it was a weird noise like an elephant swallowing a drill but what I’m saying is his position of authority was lost, he probably thought here I am laughing with my students, a common bond where they’re just thinking ‘Why is sir laughing at that?!’
He must have been a language teacher because he started talking to them in French but I was wise to him, I don’t know why he did that anyway, maybe to regain authority, yeah it must have been to test them and remind them who is in charge after that momentarily lapse, but for whatever reason he did it that’s a bit awkward isn’t it? Bad enough the line between friend and teacher has been blurred by someone having a malfunction but now he’s given them a pop quiz, he was only talking about boring things anyway like the things they saw out the window as the train went past and the ridiculously good looking fellow staring at them.
Then he got off with them
Not like that you dirty creatures! At the train stop for the university
I remember the young teachers at my school. I got my first detention from a young teacher trying to lay down her authority for taking my shoe and sock off in class because I had a stone in it. She was really tiny, like four foot I think, so she had to be strict. And there was a young teacher that was a teacher for a bit then went off to be a policeman but he wasn’t very good so came back and all the lads wound him up about it incessantly.
It was not too bad for him though because all the girls fancied him. Girls fancy all the teachers though don’t they? Why is that?
It’s like a rite of passage for them or something, you could be an absolute travesty, there was one guy who had a dodgy goatee but they loved it and his accent (He was Irish) Yep girls will still write little love notes they show each other (Early form of fan fiction maybe?), make collages where they’ve got a picture out of a wedding magazine and stuck their own and the teachers head on it and depending on the stage of puberty undo their top button in your class, that’s what this one girl used to do with the police man teacher and he noticed but pretended he didn’t, he used to get all flustered when he was talking to her, that’s a massive pressure cooker that is isn’t it? Probably the biggest one, lets be serious for a moment, that must be a horrible position to be in, it’s alright when it’s drawing pictures and giggly blushing when they see you striding across the playground but anything even slightly sexual must be massively uncomfortable. With the crusty geography teacher steaming up the window looking in remembering when he was the focus of attention as he runs his hands through his wispy locks.
Where as with lads everyone fancies just one maybe two (usually the main ones slightly less good looking friend) teachers, that must be horrible as well, trying to teach Spanish when there are twenty or thirty hormonal erections in your direction.
What is the etiquette of going to the toilet at night when you share the house with other people and they are all asleep? Do you flush? Especially if it is a number two, you have to flush then I suppose? You can’t leave a little present for the first person who gets up in the morning.
Is there a ‘watershed’? Watershed is quite a fitting word there isn’t it? The water supply in a drainage system. The literal meaning is a division or separation of a river or waterway that causes the flow to divide. Although it’s also something that separates one time or age or era from another, or a historically significant event that causes or marks great change. It's from the German wasserscheide. Wasser is water. Scheide in this case is from the verb Scheiden to divorce or part or separate, not to be confused with the other uses of the German word ‘scheide’ which are sheath, scabbard or vagina : )
Anyway back to the ‘watershed’ that we are talking about here, which is ‘the right time to do something so it don’t upset anyone impressionable’. If you flush a short amount of time before they’re supposed to get up is that bad? Because sometimes, I know from personal experience, you can wake up and think “Oh poo! I’ve got to get up in ten minutes!” and pine for those ten minutes of slumber and be pissed off for the rest of your life. Or sometimes it’s nice to wake up early and have a little lie down in bed and think ‘I don‘t have to be up yet, this’ll be nice to lie here instead of getting up in a rush and putting my toothbrush in my breast (hehe breast) pocket and getting ink on my teeth, thank you flushing person, for having a massive dump and waking me up in this golden time’ I suppose it depends on the time space until get up I suppose? Mind you, if you have a wee or a poo three hours or something before anyone else gets up, it’s gonna go a bit stale by the time they do isn’t it? So it’s going to smell, even if you spray a bit of air freshener it’s going to be a bit pungent
Also, and lets not get too graphic here…well lets just say it depends on the ‘state of the crime scene’ so to speak, if you’ve got a bit of an ill stomach or not. What is the stage between constipated and regular called? Or is there no such thing and you go from bunged up to free flow? I’m just thinking about that because if there is a stage where you’re in poo drop limbo you might be making a bit of noise grunting and pushing and wake people up anyway.
The best thing to do is to find out when the first person gets up and about a minute before dash in to the bathroom, flush, clean and spray quickly and then get the hell out of there. If you’re a solitary dweller you can wee and poo wherever you please…can have as many dodgy dinners as you want
- Location:wee
- Mood:
cheerful - Music:poo
On Monday an epic battle began between me and ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
hyla02
It was the battle named ‘Dictator VS Democracy’ by BBC West Midlands News (Honest) I don’t know if it got coverage anywhere else though. It consumed me, I stumbled to the brink of madness, I danced about in my pants and punched a mirror like in Apocalypse Now’ The magnitude of the occasion was confirmed when, although she has been spoken about many a time in the annals of this blog, my Mother made her first ever appearance in the (written) flesh form. There were traitors and skirmishes in each camp with both camps adopting different methods to each other and as a result of that having different stories to tell.
Here is the BBC West Midlands News Report on the events -
Lets start with the occurrences in Hyla02 blog, Hyla02 began with the battle cry “Ok my LJ friends, it is time to prove your allegiance to me!!! :D”. making her intentions and approach clear, she wasn’t messing about, she wanted results…and results she got, rather quickly, within seconds her icon had received four votes. Drunkendeadcat gentle persuasion attempts to converse with her loyal subjects were pushed out, barbed wire lined the journal walls and he was escorted off the premises by armed guards. Hyla02 was organised, she had created a poll, a quick and direct way to gain numbers. With a fat cigar in her mouth and mirrored shades, she sat slouched on her throne and cackled at her opponents non-pollness, speculating there would be chaos on his blog. Her minions continued to support her “I voted for yours cos i'm a loyal lj friend” was a familiar retort and hyla02 smiled and nodded her head, ruling with fear and cutting out any room for creativity she was getting results. But suddenly things took an unsuspected turn, there was defiance in her ranks, a lone being of tremendous courage and strength stood up to the enforcer and cried out in the rain - “I voted for the scary kitty because I love you so much that I want us to have our first conflict, thus we can resolve it and, thus, become much closer than before”…oh…that’s not exactly defiant…but STILL a vote for the black and white cat (the one who has nothing to do with Postman Pat). As you may have picked up on there, the title given to the original icon by hyla02 was ‘Scary kitty’ fear tactics are commonly used by evil dictators. There was a piece of controversy when a protestor threw verbal eggs at Hyla complaining of animal cruelty, that her icon was degrading to cats across the land as no cat would be seen in that glasses/cigarrette combination. We spoke to Tiddles, the leader of the 'Feline Empowerment Society' who had this to say "Hylas' icon is a fashion icon...see what I did there...I can assure you many of our members are scampering out this minute taking up smoking and wearing a wide range of spectacles, shaded or otherwise'
Now we move on to the story of the events that took place on drunkendeadcat blog. A quiet peaceful place where democracy rules and friends are allowed to mill around at whatever pace they desire…like grazing cows.
Drunkendeadcat is a liberal man if a little disorganised, no poll or clear way to submit your vote was implemented, he believed in gentle polite persuasion and compliments were the correct methods to go by…the equivalent of those ‘Accident and injury clipboard people’ who harass you when you’re shopping…although not all of them are polite. Proof that the relaxed way allowing people to be creative doesn’t always work was when certain friends of drunkendeadcat started making their own icons for him, a kind and thoughtful gesture yes but it wasn’t getting him results in the actual competition! We spoke to drunkendeadcat, or DDC as he is sometimes known (By himself) and asked him to comment on this, he seemed to greet it in his usual relaxed and friendly manner without an ounce of worry “My friends are exactly that my friends and I love each and every one of them and each and every thing they bring to me as a gift” What a kind, thoughtful human he appears to be. Unfortunately as the conflict continued he looked in trouble for a large amount of the time and speculation whether he did or did not call in favours were unfounded but the event that is leading most people to whisper that he did was the surprise appearance of A-list friend The Ice Queen of Armageddon who sailed up to the shores in her elegant Ice-Pirate Ship, cast her vote for the drunken one (A former pirate as you know if you know the story otherwise you don’t know if you don’t know the story) and promptly sailed away again as she is rumoured to be suffering from flu, we wish her well.
In conclusion, before we give the results, it was a fierce and well contested battle between two great icons and whoever becomes or remains as the default we are pleased to announce peace talks have occurred and whichever one doesn’t win plus the others that have kindly been made will still remain active and will feature prominently. The generous and thoughtful friends of Drunkendeadcat even suggested having a different one for each day of the week to keep everyone happy.
Ok…here are the results -
On Drunkendeadcat blog = Drunkendeadcat received 14 votes Hyla02 received 6 votes
On hyla02 blog = Drunkendeadcat received 7 votes Hyla02 received 14 votes
Overall 21-20 (Oooh it couldn’t have been closer)
The winner is
Have your say on this political battle, whether it be congratulations, commiserations or outrage. Did the right one win? Should there be a re-count? Should one of the others made become the leader on Drunkendeadcats blog instead? Power to the people
- Location:blood
- Music:sweat
I feel I have sank to a new low. Petite women biting in to over-sized burgers turn me on. What’s that all about? Do I need to book an appointment with someone?
It’s like in Buffy the Vampire Slayer when she works in that fast food place and gets given free burgers to eat on her break, that made me go weak at the knees that did however yesterday I saw a sexy woman having a bite by the side of a burger van so I tried to chat her up : )
I said “Now you’re used to having something large and meaty stuffed in your mouth do you want to come back to mine?” Haha I didn’t really : )…well I did…but just in my head. Safe to say anyway it didn’t quite work out, I tried the ‘polite chat’ style coupled with the suspicion the element of surprise could be used to advantage as she couldn’t be expecting to be chatted up when she’s got red sauce all over her mush (All my blogs are linked now it seems) but she weren’t having none of me, just excused herself saying “I’m too old for you” and walked off. Don’t be getting the wrong impression that she was 82 or anything, she had her own teeth (I presume) and everything else was in the right place (Some 82 year olds probably have their own teeth). She was late thirties at the very most.
So I was left alone with an over-sized burger of my own (It wasn’t a totally wasted journey) I want a big bapped older woman to smother me in kindness and drive me places, is that so much to ask?…I’ve just described my Mom : S Oh shit I’m flipping Oedipus!
Ha ha I said flipping and I was talking about Burgers : ) Chatting people up is hard though isn’t it? If you’ve got any tips please give them to me.
I remember this one time when I was messing about with a lovely lady at a party and she put her weighty breast on my head. It’s a weird sensation having a breast plopped on your head like a hat, especially when you’ve got a shaved head, feels very sensitive, try it out if you haven’t already : )
Are you familiar with Captain Birdseye? Well if you’re not I’ll tell you about him. Captain Birdseye is this sea captain on adverts for fish fingers here is a picture -
Yes both of them were/are him. But it’s not like this is a record of his ageing process, no. On the left is the old one that they had for ages then they changed to the right one like an action man type because they were worried an old man going out to sea with loads of 8 year olds (His crew are all kids) looked a bit dodgy so they changed it to a younger dynamic model but it was so shocking that people just couldn't get used to him so they've changed it back and there was a big outrage that of course an 'old man going out to sea with kids is not dodgy'. I also found out he used to be called Captain Igloo
Well anyway the same thing has happened to me, as you know I have a user icon of a cat to depict the drunkendeadcatness…if you know what I mean? But
hyla02 thinks my image needs a shake up and has suggested a new way to go -Here is
hyla02 plea and image -
My icon is 'too cool for school' if you know what I'm saying? Your current icon is the kind that kicks ass without taking names and that's great and all but I feel like that's totally not your persona (after the week I have LJ known you).
And seriously, look at his glasses! It's a cat (the scariest creatures on the face of the earth) wearing glasses! How can you possible not vote for a cat like that. AND he smokes. We are not perfect people, we deserve to look at an icon that is as imperfect as we are. Lung cancer kitty is just so perfect for that. I feel like I can make as many spelling or grammar mistakes as I want and LCK just won't give a damn. He'll just give me a high five and be on his way.
I can’t get in contact with the person who made the original one so I shall make the plea for that one myself…….and here it is -
I like this one because it is black and white and that’s how I see most things (Not literally metaphorically). I also like that the expression could be interpreted as excited, laughing, shocked, cheekiness or angry, it covers many bases for me. Plus the tongue still makes me laugh after all this time. (Bonus point for anyone who can remember the very first icon I had, that’s going back sixty three years though so don’t worry too much)
Who should win?
You decide
- Location:kiss me
- Music:kiss me
…She’s got a black eye, swollen nose and a cut lip.
But she still won’t give up her Wednesday Night Boxing Class. Ah well she says ‘it’s keeping her active’ and for me to respect my elders so I can‘t stop her.
And she has one of these hats! -
Hers is Lilac though. She loves it, the mad thing is that all her friends at Bingo and Church like it too, they view it as quite a practical hat for the winter chill and are going to buy some : ) My Nan is a Fashion Icon starting Old lady trends, can you imagine an elderly congregation decked out in this attire? Well it’s gonna happen so get used to it you squares! : )
What do you think though? I know all of you are quite fashionable people, would you wear one? Do they suit old ladies?
If you go to this site -
http://www.manythings.org/rs/fun.html
It gives you some randomly generated sentences, this is what I got
It might be possible to sing in London in a week or two (Bit vague)
It won't be bad to read early next month. (Like a blog at 5am : D)
It won't be boring to play next month. (I don’t think it’s ever boring to play any month, that’s the whole point in playing)
It might be boring to jog tomorrow afternoon (Similar thing to the one above)
It's good to run (So don’t jog just run, do everything at full pelt, advice for the few of you that are on a fitness kick at the moment)
They’re a bit samey aren’t they? You can even add in your name to feel included, when I did that this is what I got -
The bus drivers think it isn't hard to read (Which is a relief)
It's not expensive to jump (Depends where)
Jack thinks it isn't boring to walk (That is true I walk everywhere when I don’t get the bus or can’t get a lift)
So there you go just nonsense basically and a few double negatives : ) if you have a go let me know what exciting sentences you get…
The first song has a good message. Promoting masturbation to get over heartbreak …depends how you hear it…if you break some bits up. It’s a term I’m going to be using for my semen from now on anyway.
The second is my 'Conveying my emotions for the day' song anyway -Two for the price of one in songs today, proper ferrero rocher style action
- Location:do a better one soon
- Mood:
thirsty - Music:hopefully
Do you think this would be hard to eat with? -
Depends on what you’re eating I suppose, one of my favourite foods is mash potato and it’d get messy wouldn’t it? (Back to the subject of my last blog hehe) although I suppose you’d only use the spoon for mash so it wouldn’t be that messy would it? It’d all be focused at one end. No one eats Mash with a fork do they? Maybe if it’s cheese mash? Am I right or do I need to grow up and start using a fork?
Like people that eat cake with a fork, that’s a bit strange isn’t it? I’m writing this already thinking of the people who probably do this on my friends-list : P Does it give you an air of culture and sophistication? Although I had a look about and found that most five star hotels serve cake with a dessert spoon so that must be the classiest choice? I suppose that’s pretty obvious isn’t it? It’s a utensil made for the specific job of shovelling…that’s not a classy word…excavating desserts. Coffee houses serve cake with forks don’t they? And tea rooms? I know there are at least three people on my friends-list that could answer those questions : )
I saw something where a lady said it makes her feel less guilty eating cake with a fork, she was on a diet and eating cake with a fork made it feel less like indulging and more like a proper meal…what are your thoughts on that? Poor excuse really isn’t it? No need to feel guilty just have a lovely bit of cake, conjuring up crazy excuses makes you look bad not the cake eating, nothing wrong with that whatever you eat it with.
I eat my cake with a table spoon, what do you think about that? I don’t know why I’ve written that actually because it’s a lie I eat cake with my hands.
I’m changing my mind now, is the fork the hip way? The Dessert Spoon the socialite way? The Tea Spoon the glutton way and Bare Hands the primitive way?
It’s up to you, which is the best way to eat cake? - With a big spoon, dessert spoon, fork or bare hands? You have to say why though I’m interested to know.
The other day I found out that in Star Trek Captain Kirk never said ‘Beam me up Scotty!’ I’m guessing some of you already knew this but I didn’t! I don’t know why but it just made me feel a bit gutted, like I’ve been lied to. I looked it up and the nearest it ever got was "Beam us up, Mr Scott", in an episode called ‘The Gamesters of Triskelion'…it’s close but it’s not as snappy.
Golf (The sport) stands for 'Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden'…bit sexist isn’t it? Well not a bit, it’s very sexist…it’s not true but my Granddad thinks it is so I looked it up. Acronyms are a twentieth century invention and so they came more than half a millennium too late for Golf to be an acronym
The word/name Golf was first used in 1457 - "And at e futbal ande e golf be vtterly cryt downe and nocht vsyt” That’s a bit of Scottish Gaelic I think, am I right? I looked it up and it’s a mixture of Medieval Dutch and ‘Old Scots’ apparently. The medieval Dutch word "kolf" or "kolve" meant "club." It is believed that word passed to the Scots, whose old Scots dialect transformed the word into "golve," "gowl" or "gouf." (Couldn’t make their mind up it seems)
Anyway that saying was part of a speech by James II of Scotland wanting to shorten the time his subjects spent playing golf and football (I can’t find a translation although I‘m guessing it‘s something like ‘They are utterly crap and should be shut down‘) because he wanted them to focus more on archery as bow and arrows were the self dence of the day, although a golf ball can kill you can’t it? And Scotland are ’dire’ at football so…: P I’m only joking…Archie Gemmill there’s one good player…Ally McCoist, there’s a good quiz show captain. James III and James IV didn‘t like golf or football either they called them 'vnproffitable sportis'….I’m guessing that’s unprofitable sports meaning a waste of time…so there you go my Granddad owes me a Burger King, that was the bet, I ‘flipping’ love those Angus Burgers, all varieties of them. I am the kind of sucker they look for, they bring out thirty versions of Angus which are the same but with one difference on each and I gobble them up. I’ve talked a lot about food recently…I like Burger King fries as well.
This is a song off one of my favourite albums ‘Julian Plenti… Is Skyscraper’
It is Paul Banks the Interpol front mans’ alter ego. It is a very eclectic album I suppose, mixes a lot of styles together if you know what I mean? I’ll put another one in this comment box so it’s like a treasure hunt even though I’ve told you blatantly where it’s gonna be…in the comment box of this entry....
This is a simplistic song I suppose but it’s another soothing one for me and I like the line ‘Come have at us we are strong’ it’s a good message…at least I think that’s what he is saying. The one I put in the comment box like a little hidden gem is my favourite, at the moment anyway, it's got a bit more to it than the one above if you know what I mean? And I like the lyrics and the mood of it, so go and have a look, you know where I've told you...in the comment box of this entry : D
- Location:we are strong
- Mood:
okay - Music:madrid song
As you may be aware (Because I’ve said it before) I’m quite lazy and that’s why I sometimes have a bushy beard because I can’t be arsed to shave it off. When I was about thirteen and started growing a bit of bum fluff fledgling facial hair my Dad used to say I should shave it off because then it grows back, thicker, coarser and darker but that‘s not true. People think it is because hair that has never been cut has a tapered end and then after cutting hair has no taper so it looks thicker and feels coarser because it has sharper unworn edges. So it’s not actually thicker or coarser and only seems darker when it grows back because hair that has never been cut is often lighter due to sun exposure. It’s just that with advancing puberty you get more hair and it gets thicker so it just appears to be reborn a mightier beast after you’ve shaved.
I’m clean shaven at the moment anyway and I had a curry yesterday, eating is very different with and without a beard as me and my Nan are aware. When you have a beard, food gets stuck in it and if it hasn’t been that long and the food hasn’t gone off it’s like the facial equivalent of finding a fiver in the street, a welcome surprise. The problem for me now though is about three months ago my sister saw a bit of mash in my beard or something and was horrified so now she always has a check to see if there’s anything lurking and if there is she nags me and nags me and nags me until I get rid of it, I end up shaving it off in the end (The reason I have this time actually) just to stop her from lambasting me. However when I don’t have a beard and I eat something a bit tricky, like the curry yesterday, I end up looking like a messy baby. And when you’ve got food all over your beardless face you can’t store it for later and it’s a lot more noticeable than bearded so you have to wipe it off. It looks worse as well when you’re shaven.
I am a ’messy food’ hypocrite to be honest. I love eating whole chickens with my hands and stuff like that, getting stuck in and getting a messy visage but if anyone else has the slightest trace of food on their face it makes me feel sick. Have you seen that Tom Hanks film ‘Big’ when he’s a little kid that goes to a carnival and wishes to be an adult and then he is an adult with the same child brain when he wakes up the next day and has to pretend to his Mom he has been kidnapped while living a industrious life as a Toy innovator? Well anyway he meets a woman in that and there’s a scene where they go to the carnival again (Well I think it’s travelled) and eat hotdogs and the woman gets mustard on her face, that’s worse than any horror film for me.
Food all over the face is not nice though is it? If you were on a date with someone and they had food all over their mush would it turn you on? It’s not sexy is it?…only with chocolate? I don’t like that either to be honest, not on the face anyway and to add to that, I may give the impression of a sexual deviant sometimes but ’anything’ on the face I’m a bit of a prude with and squirm.
Is food on the face the biggest faux pas? Apart from shitting yourself, there’s nothing worse than that…or is there? Would you be more embarrassed having food on your face in public or toilet paper sticking out your skirt? Does that only happen in films? How can you let that happen unless you’re drunk? What’s the male non- transvestite version of that? Toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe I suppose, that’s happened to me a few times to be fair but it’s easier to notice. Could the toilet paper sticking out happen to you if you were wearing a kilt? I suppose it couldn’t because usually in the films the toilet paper is sticking out the pants and you’re not supposed to wear pants with kilts.
Manchester United = Jammy Bastards! That’s all I’m saying about last nights Champions League games : )
A shout out to all the new Mothers and Fathers out there, want your child to be a suicidal grunger (Like I was but at a slightly older age than ‘baby’)? Well soothe them off to sleep with one of the saddest songs that has ever been made…in Lullaby form -
I like it : ) It certainly helps me sleep anyway,…recommended for all insomniacs also.
- Location:with food in his beard
- Music:I knew it
Well done to Jenson Button on winning the Formula1 and massive shout to my underdog hero Sebastien Buemi who finished 16th altogether with six points which is good for his first go…what?…it is good!…sixteenth out of twenty five is good…it is!! It was higher than his team-mate plus six drivers didn’t get any points…well I think it’s good anyway.
Look at this little bit of genius -
Well actually it’s not a little bit of genius is it? It’s a blooming massive collection of genius
It is the largest meatball in the world, well for now anyway, the old record was one hundred and ninety eight pounds 198.6lb and only happened two months ago when Jimmy Kimmel beat a record which was set in Mexico in August! So it seems like the challenge of making the largest meatball in the world is a massive hotly contested battle where the leader is constantly changing, it sounds exciting doesn’t it?
This new one was made by Matthew Mitnitsky, the owner of Nonni's Italian Eatery in Concord, New Hampshire, and it weighs in at an awesome two hundred and twenty two and half pounds! He wanted to ‘Bring the meatball back to the East Coast"
The rules are as follows (If you’re thinking of having a go) - The meatball has to be a giant version made with the same classic ingredients and you have to make it in one day…and people have to be able to eat it. The Guinness Book of records have checked it out and the Main Man Matthew Mitnitskys’ Monumental Meatball fits the bill. I reckon the chance at such alliteration and bragging rights that he has the worlds’ largest meatball (only one though) were also reasons why he had a go not just to bring it back to the East Coast he’s making it communal but really there are private goals involved.
Talking of being communal after it was checked out and approved etc he donated it to The Friendly Kitchen in Concord to ‘Feed the hungry’ what does that mean? Feed the hungry? Who are the hungry? Everyone gets hungry, I’m hungry right now, I would have love to have sunk my teeth in to his meatball. My Mom said they should have given it to Africa but she says that about everything. Don’t worry she’s not as big of a Martyr as she makes out, whenever we had to collect food for Harvest Festival at school she’d give me all the stuff she never wanted like piccalilli (Is there anyone in the world that likes that?) or had gone off. Anyway charity begins at home as they say, it would have been a bit harsh if he’d have made the meatball in full view and knowledge of all the local hungry people making them excited as the meaty aroma wafted around and then shipped it far away, right?
A man in India called Vaibhav Bedi, 26, is suing Lynx because he has had no female attention in the seven years he has been using their stuff, so the adverts Lynx do are a lie, here is one of their naturalistic adverts -
So that’s the type of thing he was expecting to happen.
Mr Bedi wants £26,000 from Lynxs’ parent company ‘Unilever’ (Who have shockingly declined to comment) for the ‘depression and psychological damage caused by the lack of any Lynx effect’ and Court officials in New Delhi have ordered forensic laboratory tests on all the Lynx stuff he has half used.
India's leading compensation litigator Ram Jethmalani is on the case and has issued a strong warning to Unilever "There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don't attract women. In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys. I'd suggest that the company settles this issue out of court."
In India Lynx is called Axe, something used to chop peoples’ heads off…yep. I hope he doesn’t drink Red Bull otherwise he’s in for more disappointment.
- Location:fool
- Mood:
ditzy - Music:meatball
You see a lot of girls eating food in public but you never see the actual packet, they have them in their bags or coat pockets or something, what’s that all about?
Nine times out of ten it’s been tortilla type shaped snacks like Doritos or supermarket knock off brand or something but every time I have seen a girl doing it and that‘s been about twenty five thousand times over the course of my life this has been what they’re eating.
Imagine if they had salsa dip as well then I’d be really impressed, that hasn‘t happened yet though. On Tuesday there was a girl getting on train doing it. The thing is though she was still getting on with her life at the same time. Usually I’ve seen girls standing or sitting still doing it like at school all the girls used to do it. Especially in sixth form there would be a table of about six girls sitting around a table eating but with all the stuff in their bags every now and again taking bits out and eating them in between chatting. In those cases it wasn’t limited to just tortillas it was their whole dinner then, sandwiches and even their pop! I used to think it was being a bit greedy hiding their food away but it’s not hiding them so they don’t have to share because they still share so it’s a communal thing and no one seemed to object so it must be something that is done all over the place?
Anyway this girl at the train station was sorting out her suitcase whilst slipping a few from out of her pocket in to her mouth, she was really busy sorting something out while doing it seamlessly, her busy faffing about and Dorito eating melded in to one fluid motion. She got up when the train pulled up and ate another one, walked down the station a bit in that little dance you do trying to guess and get the nearest you can to where a door is going to be when the train finally stops and ate about three. But when she finally got on the train she sat in front of me and never ate one!! Not that I noticed anyway, I was trying to have a crafty look but you have to be careful doing stuff like that in public, she must only be able to eat whilst in motion (And I guess the train being in motion didn‘t count), girls are good at multi-tasking anyway aren’t they?
Does anyone else know or has seen or do this? Is it so no one knows how much they’ve actually eaten, being all conscious? Maybe that girl at the train station eats in motion to burn the calories off at the same time…it’s a good idea actually.
As you may be aware I do not know that much about Politics but I know a few on my friends-list do so I have heard a phrase used five times in the last two days and I was wondering if anyone could give an explanation for it and if you think it’s true or not. ‘Conservatives for the money, Labour for the people’ I get that they are saying Conservatives are best with dealing with the economy and Labour are best with people but in what way with the people do they mean? Is it true or false? What about the Liberals etc what are they the best at?
The voicemail on my phone doesn’t work. I phoned it up because I have a message that I wanted to listen to, I pressed the one key which is what I have to do to get through but a womans’ voice came on and said ‘Sorry you are having trouble your call will be disconnected (pause) Goodbye’ so maybe that isn’t what I have to do.
How cold is that anyway? Basically saying ‘Sorry you’ve fucked up but I’m not gonna help you (Pause) piss off’. It was delivered in a really unemotional tone as well.
I had to sigh deeply in my outrage at this, I find that’s quite comforting to sigh deeply, it relaxes me. Solitary sighing is good for you, it gets oxygen to your brain and you feel better. When you sigh in front of people it’s a whole different matter though. They either get upset and think you find them boring or they think you are depressed and pester you with sympathy. Don’t keep sighs in though because it’s bad for you it can lead to fibromyalgia, which is a chronic widespread painful response to pressure, so if you do need to sigh or yawn (Which is like a sigh) and you don’t want to offend anyone find a little quiet space and do it if you can, excuses yourself and go to the toilet or something…little tip for you there…don’t use a quiet little space in the same room as the person you want to not offend though, don’t just go and face the wall in the corner of the room, they will think worse things of you then.
Anyway have a listen to one of my favourite songs.
Another little thing for those few that say I don’t write personal things, this is what I do instead : ) Put songs with lyrics that I relate to.
- Location:I want to
- Mood:
apathetic - Music:i need to
Comment êtes-vous tomber n'importe pas. Elle est de savoir comment vous atterrissez.
How you fall doesn't matter. It's how you land!
I believe this to be true.
It’s from ‘La Haine’ a French film crystaleyesd Mentioned it recently as one of her favourite films and it is one of mine too.
You know in France are ‘French windows’ called ‘French windows’? Or just windows? Because in England ‘English breakfasts’ are called ‘English Breakfasts’
Although! English breakfast is also known as a 'Fry up' so maybe there is a slang name for 'French Windows'?
I really like this version of this song -
It stirs something up inside me. Now I know it’s just the original record pitched up, I’m under no illusions don’t worry but I think it’s had a brilliant effect.
Not that I think the original is rubbish, I don’t, I like it as well however you know how the original has quite a playful sound and delivery? Well I think it does, whereas in this version Alvin sings it with immense conviction and passion, there’s a bit of a bite and defiance to it where as the original was quite passive this is a bit aggressive.
You can feel the pain and can tell Alvins’ pride has been knocked and he’s letting it all out. It’s as if Alvin is saying “Yeah! do all these things! Do what you want! I know you will anyway! I don’t care!” although then he has to admit the break up has effected him deeply in his heart. This is the reason he detaches his heart, his lips and fingertips etc making them seem like separate entities to himself so it seems less personal so he saves some face.
I suppose a similarity with both versions is that the words being sang are directed inwards at the singer as well as the one who has or is going to dump them as if Alvin is thinking it through and going over situations where mistakes were made and also to come to terms that it is ending, “You can tell your ma, I moved to Arkansas” (A separation is imminent and can not be avoided) and his fingertips will not be reaching out for his lover anymore. “You can tell your friends just what a fool I've been” leads me to believe Alvin thinks he has been a fool but perhaps for different reasons to the one who is about to inflict or has inflicted this turmoil upon him.
In the original the chorus is a plea but here it sounds like an order almost…or a threat. In the original it’s just heartbreak on the cards but when Alvin sings “It might blow up and kill this man” he means it as if he will burn out instead of fade away in to eating ice cream in pyjamas crying all the time watching Rom-Coms wishing life was really like them. Here, if Alvins’ heart is told, he will go out on the drink and drugs bender maniac method of getting over someone and may ‘blow up’ in the process. “Oh, you can tell my eyes to watch out for my mind. It might be walking out on me today” makes me believe this theory even more.
I can imagine Alvin snarling as he sings in this cathartic cry gripping the microphone tightly. The second verse becomes all that more violent delivered the way it is here as well.
The whole thing is really emotive reminding me of old school blues singers especially the cry of pain at the start and the delivery of the lines “You can tell the world, you never was my girl. You can burn my clothes up when I'm gone” and “Oh, tell your Aunt Louise. Tell anyone you please. Myself already knows I'm not okay” (My favourite bit).
Finally there is an acapella ending where Simon and Theodore belt out the chorus with Alvin which sent tingles up and down my spine. His brothers are there for him, singing in sibling solidarity showing him he doesn’t have to suffer alone.
It can’t be just me who has interpreted it this way?
- Location:hear
- Music:speak
I was lying in my sleeping bag the other morning, lost in thought and I ate a bit of my ‘eye crusty stuff you get from being asleep’ that’s a bit disgusting isn’t it? Rheum is its medical name, I checked it out and it’s not poisonous or anything so I’m alright in that respect but I don’t think I’ve ever eaten it before (It didn’t taste that nice, a bit like sour pastry) and I’ve never heard of anyone that’s eaten it either. There are probably really dodgy fetish websites for it somewhere because there seems to be a fetish for everything.
Here is the story of how Rheum is born - The nose is connected to the same canal the mouth is connected and then to the oesophagus, All your tubes are connected. The stuff in your eyes is from snot build up, if it has nowhere to go it squeezes it's way out through your tear ducts, sounds like a horror film that does.
Unlike people, who only need a Mommy and a Daddy to be born, Rheum is an orgy baby. It is formed by a combination of tears, leaked blood cells, dead skin cells from the eyelids, dust and mucus (All that horror movie stuff that’s seeped out from the corneas of your eyes)
Usually when you blink the moisture of your eyes and tear ducts washes the orgy away but when you are asleep and obviously not blinking, a tiny bit of dry Rheum forms in the corners of your eyes. Everyone gets a bit of it even healthy people, children get loads but I don’t think vampires do.
Mucus…or snot/boogers/bogeys/etc…is well known bodily substance that gets eaten though isn’t it? The practice even has a name - ‘Mucophagy’…I said there’d be some sort of fetish didn’t I? A fetish we all have no choice but to do.
When you are a kid it’s nice to have a little pick and flick ain’t it? Roll one up and either have a taste or wipe it down the back of someones neck…I think that was an official way to make it clear you wanted to play kiss chase with a specific someone but when you get older than about 12, you’re supposed to turn your back on the bogey eating life.
But I’m here to say there is no point in stopping! The average person eats about two pints of mucus a day, so you can’t actually help it! Your nose is full of mucus all day and a good amount of it goes down your throat, hardens, sets up home in the nose and goes through the metamorphosis of mucus to bogey/booger just like Caterpillar to Butterfly, The Pupa Stage always gets missed out when that analogy gets used I feel sorry for it so actually I’m going to include it here : ) if you weren’t aware The Pupa Stage is the resting part between a Caterpillar becoming a Butterfly. The caterpillar first spins a cocoon around its body and also fastens itself to a plant with a silk thread so it’s inside the cocoon and the pupa and then sort of becomes half Caterpillar half Pupa until it completely becomes Pupa all camouflaged to hide from all the animals that want to eat them (I wonder if some get eaten by mistake by animals who eat plants?) and then from Pupa to Butterfly and it emerges all beautiful. If I was to be really technical there are four stages in the life cycle. Too much information here I feel but a different sort of ‘Too much information’ to how some might feel about the Mucus…which I’ll get back to in a minute….So the adult Butterfly flutters down on a leaf and shats out their eggs, when the eggs hatch a small larva emerges and crawls out, this larva of a butterfly develops in to a caterpillar, well it sort of already is as a larva but like a baby caterpillar turns in to an teenage caterpillar to a young adult caterpillar to an adult caterpillar to a mid-life crisis caterpillar to an elderly caterpillar all the time eating and growing…moults a few times as well Each time getting bigger and fatter finally changing in to the lesser known pupa having a lazy life in comparison to the Caterpillar times just hanging on a plant in a small loop of silk like I said and then after a few weeks the pupa turns into a beautiful adult butterfly and goes and shats it‘s own eggs on a leaf and it all starts again like The Lion King. Basically I think Butterflies are Buddhists.
Back to the Mucus….as well as being in your nose, mucus is in your lungs, intestines, digestive system, throat (Usually because it has dripped from your nose), urinary tract and other body tissues so it’s already taken over and conquered your body, resistance is futile, mucus is only water and salt, with some chemicals produced by the body anyway so there’s no need to panic or be squeamish really it won’t take over your brain and force you to do awfully awful terribly terrible things and then exit your body leaving you to face the punishment for all the atrocities.
Mucus are not bad guys at all in fact, they are good guys that do a hell of a lot all up inside us like brave hero soldier superstars.
They serve as a trap to incoming germs, pollen and dust. Partaking in the act of "mucophagy" (I have my doubts if it is an actual phrase) or being a ‘Mucophagist’ (I know that’s not a real phrase because I just made it up) can be considered healthy because it exposes your body to germs and make you produce antibodies that will fight for your survival inside your immune system, mucus includes small amounts of bacteria and viruses that the cilia in the nose have filtered out of the air so eating them may serve as a sort of natural inoculation process, allowing you to build up immunities to common germs. Mucus spreads itself about a bit as well, it coats the organ membrane (Behave yourself it‘s not what you think) preventing pollutants from invading the organ (Although sometimes an invaded organ can be pleasurable). For example nasal mucus traps dust and any allergens stopping them from invading the respiratory system. Mucus stops parts of your insides drying out too and you got to admit that‘s pretty helpful. Although during Menopause women lose 65% of their mucus and dry out in certain areas…I‘ve made that bit up. Mucus ALSO functions to filter and humidity the air we breathe (So resourceful I bet you didn‘t realise!?! I didn‘t anyway) Inhaled irritants such as moulds (One thing you don‘t want to inhale really is it?), pollen, dust mites, animal dander, smoke (So that‘s why my pipe smoking Grandfather had black snot!!), ash and anything else harmful gets trapped by the mucus, protecting you from infections or inflammation…I suppose this makes it a bit obvious that mucus isn‘t actually that good really, like it doesn‘t have a 100% prevention record and is not a superhero but come on give it a chance it‘s trying…it does moisten food though making it easier to swallow and I don‘t know about you but I prefer to swallow easily. Food can also pass through the intestine more easily because of mucus. In the lungs, mucus functions to smooth the airways linings and trap foreign substances that invade the respiratory system. When foreign substances make their way into the lungs they will be coughed out instantly. So basically Mucus isn’t actually a superhero but it’s like a part time cleaner or a kind Aunt with good intentions that likes to help things along and makes them flow that tiny bit more easily.
Just like humans, mucus are not all lovely folk, there are some bad apples. If you are Asthmatic you often get thicker and viscous mucus, so like stupid aggressive thug Mucus. The Hoodlums are attracted to asthma because excess mucus is produced, blocking the airways. This causes breathing to become hard because your airways are clogged and mucus drainage is lowered…actually instead of Gang-banger mucus being drawn to Asthmatics it sounds like Asthmatics are indeed the human prison for trouble Mucus. In the nose, when excess mucus is produced, Post Nasal Drip occurs…basically a runny nose…but Post Nasal Drip or PND makes it sound like something much worse, either health wise…or the after effects of too often taking part in a kinky fetish.
Not too be confused with Post Natal Drip…which is probably something pregnant women have.
I was away for a bit because I was a bit ill (Which is a bit mad considering how the last blog I wrote started) but I’m better now, so don’t worry all those who sent messages checking up on me you nosy bastards : ) especially the Drama Queen who sent me (Tongue firmly buried in to their cheek I realise) this song in a message with the words ‘And I've been waiting all this time, (Six weeks in fact!) For my man to come take his hand in mine or write a blog or post a comment on one of mine and lead me away to unseen shores I've been washing the sand-y keyboard with my salty tears searching the shore for these long years And I'll walk the seas of Liveournal forever more ‘till I find my Jackie ohhhh Jackie ooooohhhhh oooo oooo oooo ho ho ho Merry Christmas’
With that amount of sarcastic sincerity I just couldn’t not not not make a blog AND include the song in it!!! : O
I sent the message to myself
- Location:someone sent it me
- Music:honest
The other day I felt really ill, I thought I was going to die! So I went to the Doctors, it’s alright though, he told me not to worry as that’s the last thing I’ll do. My Mom has been feeling a bit weird recently too, she keeps thinking she’s invisible, she went the Doctors but he couldn’t see anything wrong with her.
Yesterday I went to the cinema and watched ‘District 9’ I was meant to be seeing it today but I couldn’t wait that long (One more day) after billyprior and lots of other people said it was brilliant and I was impressed by their glowing reviews so i scurried along to watch it.
I think it’s a great film and I think it’d be appreciated by all sorts of different people looking for different things. As I always write when I talk about films or books or anything like that I don’t want to give too much away but if you’re a science fiction, horror, monster/alien, computer game fan or have an interest in politics I suggest you go and see it. I think you can get whatever you want to get out of it, if you want to just see blood gore and aliens it’s all there for you but there are a lot of science fiction and especially science fiction computer game references and in-jokes plus the political and social theme.
It’s a South African film inspired by the Apartheid and is based twenty eight years ago but I also think anyone who lives in a country at the moment with a lot of immigration could also relate to this film, especially with the interviews with members of public, in them I saw a lot of things echoing various opinions you see given on the subject on various new programmes.
I looked at IMDB and it said ‘All the shacks apart from one were actual shacks that exists in a section of Johannesburg which were to be evacuated and the residents moved to better government housing, paralleling the events in the film. Also paralleling, the residents had not actually been moved out before filming began’
I liked the main character Wikus a lot. I really felt I was going on the journey with him and (I hope anyway) laughed when I was supposed to and didn‘t when I wasn‘t supposed to etc. I liked the actor who played him, who is called Sharlto Copley even more when I looked the film up (Again on IMDB hehe) and found out he had not acted before and had no intention of pursuing an acting career, that he stumbled into the leading role as Neill Blomkamp (The Director) placed him on camera during the short film ’Alive in Joburg’ which is the film District 9 is based on . Also he ad-libbed all his lines which means he came up with my favourite line “Get your fokkin' tentacle out of my face!” which made me laugh because it’s something a few people have said to me.
It’s a great film in my opinion, funny, scary and thought provoking, it’s one of those films you could watch a few times and still enjoy and possibly get more or different things out of it...a real 'genre-spanner'
Do you think going the cinema by yourself is sad?
Either ‘My Nan’s just died’ sad or ‘Sandals & Socks’ sad?
I remember when I worked at a cinema a lot of the staff thought people who came alone were saddos or weirdos but I go the cinema on my own all the time : S I think the same stigma applies with any public event doesn’t it? Sport matches, theatre etc
I think, if it is sad, the fact was masked in those days because whenever I watched a film there I knew the place and the people so it didn’t feel weird, but no one I knew works there anymore, actually I don’t know what I’m on about here because most of the time I go to a different cinema these days and the only time I do go back to the one I worked at is when TLO wants to watch the latest Saw movie (Usually he goes the cinema with his girlfriend but she doesn’t like scary movies so he makes me go with him instead because he’s one of the people who thinks going the cinema on your own is sad)
Just let a person be free that’s what I say. Actually you’re not supposed to talk in the cinema or in the theatre anyway are you? So what does it matter if you’re on your own?
The only people I ever thought were sad for going the cinema on their own were these three guys who were in their 50s and used to come separately on separate occassions and go and watch ‘Princess Diaries’ or ‘Mean girls’ etc, whatever latest teenage rom-com drama was showing at that time…and you can see why there can’t you? Just to add one of them did wear a brown anorak seriously.
I’ll never forget the day when three young girls game out of the screen showing ’A Cinderella Story’ the 2004 Hilary Duff film and said ’There’s an old guy in there who was sitting at the back and then when the film started he came and sat behind us’.
Me and another Usher had to go in and watch him for the whole film from different walkways but I kept getting distracted by the film but I don’t think he did anything or the two girls would have said something when they came out…hang on…three girls went in…oh shit.
- Location:here
- Mood: gloomy
- Music:spoon knee
Do you want to play Hangman?
If you don’t know what it is it’s a guessing game where you have to guess what word I’m thinking of and try and discover it by suggesting a letter at a time.
If you suggest a letter that isn’t in the word, I draw (I’ve worked out how to do it on here...sort of...it's good enough haha) a bit of a man being hanged and your goal is to guess all the letters before I finish the drawing and the man is hung.
If at any stage you think you know what the word is when only some of the letters have been revealed you can have a go at guessing the whole word
When I told her I was going to do this my sister said I shouldn’t be sexist and call it ‘Hang-person’ instead but I thought the name referred to the gender of the person doing the hanging not actually the one being hung, does anyone know which one it is?
Here are the amount of spaces for the letters in the word -
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
So it is a nine letter word but don’t worry it’s not that hard : ) and it takes 10 wrong suggestions (The way I do it) until the whole hanged individual is complete so that’s good odds I feel : D
So if you want to play suggest a letter at a time in the comment box and so it is fair you can have your own hangman/woman (you can decide the gender and even make it a specific person if you want) in reply which prevents anyone messing it up for you : )
Talking of games has anyone played Arkham Asylum?
I won’t spoil it for anyone but I will say it is brilliant! I really like the free-flow fighting controls, proper makes me feel like I AM Batman and at the end of the day that is one of my all time dreams : ) There are challenge modes were you can just fight baddies and I go on them and counter, counter and counter for about twenty minutes, almost better than sex it is, you can just stand there and not get hit doing Bruce Lee style action no matter where they attack you from, making them look silly…unless they have knives and you have to cape stun them or glowsticks and then you have to jump over their heads or they get a gun out of a cupboard then you have to leap over to them quick sharp and knock them out but if they have pipes you can counter and take them off them and give them a little dig with them…there are also mad bastards that throw shit at you as well, you have to jump around them too.
The whole game is great fun though, I don’t think it ruins it to say I thought the hardest bit was the Poison Ivy boss battle until I stopped aiming my batarang and just did the automatic throw and my favourite parts were the Scarecrow bits, well scary especially the ’Young Bruce’ part.
When you get the upgrade to string the henchmen up from Gargoyles is great fun too
My sister got seven A* and three As in her GCSES…what a fucking swot : )
TLOs’ girlfriends’ mate (Sounds like one of those urban myth stories with that tenuous link doesn’t it?) got thrown out of a club for having a little suck on her boyfriends’ willy (He got thrown out too) That’s a bit embarrassing as it is ain’t it? But her excuse was “I thought it was a cigarette”…that’s a bit of a ‘blow’ to her boyfriends’ pride isn’t it? What’s that saying about the shape and size of his member?
And by the way, this isn’t one of those ‘My mate has a problem when it’s really me’ type of things either so don’t be starting that one : )…mine is shaped like a curly-wurly
I really like this song and I think this is a great cover -
I couldn’t find the original, maybe I will soon now Youtube has agreed a deal to let music videos be on there again? Like that mattered anyway with the amount of people loading up their own copies hehe…well actually it did matter because I couldn’t find the original of this song could I? So I’m talking cack there really : S Prince videos will be allowed again now though probably.
- Location:true
- Music:i do
.....However, according to her, last night wasn’t the best night to have before her birthday. I don’t know why she’s so bothered about yesterday because it don’t really count as her birthday does it? Probably because it wasn’t but apparently for her it hasn’t “Set her in the right mood to have a nice sleep and wake up and celebrate the day”
I wouldn’t mind but she’s such a Drama Queen, all that has happened is someone (Not me honest) Brought my brother (Whose Birthday was last Sunday, not yesterday but the one before, I forgot to mention that, he was 9) a water pistol from Tamworth and gave it to him when they came back from their Dads’ house (alright it was me)
“It’s a gun!” “That shoots water” “It’s still a gun” “Not really Mom it can’t kill anyone” “You can drowned in six inches of water Jack” “It’s not gonna drowned anyone Mom!!!” (It really isn’t, it’s about five inches in size so we’re ok)
So in her eyes I’m in trouble for giving a firearm to a nine year old : S That is how she is explaining it to people!! She was on the phone to my Aunty (Her sister) saying “Oh Yeah! You’ll never guess what Jack has done now? He brought the little one a gun!”
My Mom always exaggerates, one day she’ll get me shot!
If you go here -
http://www.themanwhofellasleep.com/starf
There are pictures of porn stars telling you a random fact : ) Every time you refresh the page you get a different porn star telling you a different fact
I wouldn’t want my facts displayed in any other way : )
Have a look, see if you can find the one where the woman looks like she has just sneezed, the apple eater and in my opinion the sexiest one with the bra strap just falling off the shoulder
Don't worry none of them are graphic or anything, like this one -
Just looks like a proper relaxed holiday snap doesn't it? : )
And to all the Eastenders fans out there is this Kat Slater? -
This one is definetley Aisleyne Horgan Wallace (Yes I know her full name) out of Big Brother and Screenwipe isn't it!!!??? -
People say men can't multitask! But trust me this site has proved I can :)
Once again, after winning the Reserve League last season, Aston Villa have won something else no one cares about!!! The Peace Cup! It was 0-0 after full-time and extra-time so it had to be settled on nerve-jangling penalties, Del Pieros’ penalty was the worst penalty taken in the history of the world.
- Location:looking
- Mood: contemplative
- Music:ILU
My Mom doesn’t drink alcohol because she had a whisky and coke at an office party once, got on a bus and felt sick. The thing is though, my Mother suffers from travel sickness so…yeah…that’s all I need to say really isn’t it?
Looking through your friends-list recent entries blog page thing can be quite an emotional rollercoaster can’t it? Well mince can anyway, hehe I put mince instead of mine but I’m keeping it because it made me laugh : )
You see happiness next to sadness, excitement next to anxiety, people brimming with confidence and others assembling the foundations and building back up again, some even throwing the bricks away in anger for a bit, all next to each other. Suppose that is life isn’t it?
My Mom always goes on about ‘genuine problems’ she means only really devastating catastrophes should get you down, well what she deems as devastating catastrophes anyway and that’s the thing. I remember having a chat with two girls when I worked at the cinema and one of them had a reputation with other members of staff for being a 'Drama Queen' she’d weep like she was in mourning when she broke her nail or panic as if she would be executed if the popcorn bins weren’t constantly topped up (Why do they call them bins anyway? Who wants to eat out of a bin? They also get called troughs which isn’t much better)
The other girl was really calm under pressure and never seemed to get upset about anything. I won’t go into too much detail here but I’ll just say that her Father was a really evil man. So, in the rare occasion anything reminded her of him she would cry.
It makes me think, your life and the severity of your problems are relevant to you aren’t they? That sounds like I’m stating the obvious but do you know what I mean? If you have a nice comfortable home life and you don’t really have any hardships and then you fall over and cut your knee that is gonna be the worst thing to happen to you where as if you have an abusive parent or partner, cutting your knee won’t worry you as much as fearing for your life.
I’m not saying it’s a competition, that there is a list of bad things to happen to you ranked in order of terribleness, I’m not saying that at all, I’m disagreeing with my Mom in a way. I’m saying all problems are valid in your life depending on your experiences and people shouldn’t be ridiculed for feeling upset although you should always look for a possible solution if there is one.
Going back to the conversation with the two girls. The one who had been abused by her father said she used to feel anger that the other girl would get so upset about ’trivial’ things and also feel a bit jealous that those were her biggest worries in life. However over time she changed her opinion thinking that people can only go on their own lives. That girl had not been abused, bullied or anything worse than having pressure bestowed upon her to keep the concessions stand in great condition and to be fair if she didn’t she would have been sacked, so that was her biggest worry and fear.
I suppose it also depends on your personality doesn’t it? Some people can just deal with things better than others and even that varies, I have no phobias- spiders, rats, wasps etc, nothing like that bothers me where as my Step-Dad is scared of all that type of thing but he is a lot stronger than me with confrontation, I hate it and can’t deal with it at all he hates it too but can handle it really well. Different things bother different people. Although I said it’s not a competition I do think there is some truth in ’whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ mentality for example I was attacked once and they broke my jaw, knocked me out with a piece of wood and left me in the road. A year later I was mugged and wasn’t scared at all, it just wasn’t as bad as the attack or it didn’t feel like it in any case. Even that depends on the personality doesn’t it? I suppose, different people react differently, some people get doubly scared after something bad happens to them where as some people think ’I’ve been through this before’ so they are not frightened unless it steps up a gear.
Also, a massive problem doesn’t always cancel other stuff out does it? If you have lost a leg in a horrific accident it doesn’t mean you can’t get upset if you break your favourite cup or something just because it’s not the worst thing you have ever experienced.
Everything in Perspective, that’s what I mean…I think.
My Sister is sound as a beer round you know?…shout out to all sisters (And brothers) and I ain’t talking in a gospel preacher way…well actually I suppose I am.
This song sums it all up for me -
Vous êtes ma sœur, nous sommes nés. Si innocent, si plein de besoin. Il y avait des fois où nous étions amis mais parfois j'étais si cruel. Chaque soir, je demande pour vous à me regarder comme je l'ai sommeil. J'ai eu tellement peur de la nuit. Vous semble se déplacer à travers les lieux que je craignais. Vous avez vécu dans mon monde, de manière douce. Protégée que par la bonté de votre nature. Vous êtes ma soeur. Et Je t'aime. Mai l'ensemble de vos rêves se réaliser. Nous avons ressenti de manière différente. Ainsi, au cours de la même année. La façon de rire la façon dont nous faisons l'expérience de la douleur. Tant de souvenirs. Mais theres rien à gagner à se souvenir. Des visages et des mondes que personne d'autre ne saura jamais. Vous êtes ma soeur. Et Je t'aime. Mai l'ensemble de vos rêves se réaliser. Je veux que ce pour vous. Ils vont se réaliser…va se réaliser.
Wenn Sie gebunden Toast mit Butter auf dem Rücken der Katze und warf ihn auf den Boden, was passieren würde?
Yo le dije al dentista que mi dientes son de color amarillo. Él me dijo que usar un lazo marrón
- Location:I will
- Mood: sympathetic
- Music:you will
Very sad news for the Gay community and of course in my bid to become a GLBT icon (And as an animal lover) I am tragically upset
The Gay penguins that lived together in San Francisco (Makes sense) Zoo have split up!!
If you never knew about them their names are Harry and Pepper and have been together for six years, which is a long time to be fair.
The most shocking part about it all is that Harry has ditched Pepper for a lady penguin called Linda!
Linda is a widow, her old mate called Fig has died and seemingly Harry was straight in there, things have moved fast, Harry is already living with Linda and they’ve got two kids!! (Indication that lines were blurred if you know what I mean?)
Worst thing is though Harry and Pepper have a child together also. They were given a surrogate egg and looked after it until it hatched and then rose it together, so now Pepper is a single parent.
If you don’t think Harry is enough of a bastard it also appears that he doesn’t want to pay child support or even be a weekend Dad as Pepper went around to Harry and Peppers’ abode and they treated him terribly being all aggressive and hostile.
It’s not like the chick won’t see his Daddy Harry though, Harry and Linda live next door! How awkward is that going to be? I’d move if I was Pepper and Chick.
In a report I read they said Pepper is free and single, ready to mingle but as cruel as it sounds, a lot of people don’t want a relationship with baggage do they? I wonder how hard it is to get a chick-sitter in Penguin land? It said there are over fifty penguins living there so there must be someone to wrap a comforting wing around him and help him get back on his feet, Pepper will be able to p-p-p-pick up a partner in no time.
Talking of Penguins’ feet, do you know why they don’t freeze in the weather? Well even if you did I’ll tell you. Penguins reduce blood flow to their feet by varying the diameter of their arteries which keeps their feet a couple of degrees above freezing, keeping heat loss to a minimum and escaping frostbite.
All the reports say Harry has ‘Gone straight’ but he’s bisexual really isn’t he?
Here is a picture of Harry and Pepper, taken in happier times -
What do you think about this?
Thank you to everyone that helped with the anagram competition my brother is doing my Mom was very impressed…My Brother wasn’t but don’t worry he’s never impressed with anything…
I think the ‘Would you rather…?’ Game is my favourite game in the world, it’s a simple game “For a simple person Jack!” Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I pre-emptied your thoughts Shaddup! : )
If you don’t know what it is, well you’re a massive spoon and must live in a cave haha but for those people I’ll just explain it, like I said it’s a simple game, where you just ask a hypothetical question that starts with the words “Would you rather” and whoever you’re playing it with answers it.
If anyone wants to ask me a ‘Would you rather’ question please do because like I just wrote, I love it…well I didn’t actually write that to be fair I said it was favourite game in the world but the sentiment is the same.
Here are some I like, please answer them otherwise it means you don’t like me and my live journal and I’ll never speak to you again, I don’t care if I blog at around 5am in the morning UK time and probably times that are still unsociable everywhere else all the time, the plus side of that is you have plenty of time to reply and even if your friends page is full of posts you could always check my page now and again, come and check up on how I am, say hello, manners cost nothing, I’ll give you some time and if you don’t post a comment on this blog at least answering one of these questions it will mean we are finished, closed, have came to an end, concluded, done with, ended, finalized, fulfilled, in the past, lapsed, made, over, over and done, resolved, sewn up, shut, stopped, terminated, through, tied up, worked out, wound up and wrapped up and if the reason you don’t want to post a comment is that I’m not that interesting than why have you got me on your friendslist then? If I’m so shit so very fucking shit like a piece of shit on a boring rubbish persons’ shoe? Is that what you think of me? That I’m shit and rubbish? Do you want to make me cry? Do you want to upset my Nan? Don't upset my Nan she's old and frail, well one of them is the other wears a feather boa and has hundreds of muscly Drag Queen friends and drinks sambuca, but the frail Nan, she's the one who will be upset if you don't comment on this blog, because I told her if everyone doesn't comment on this blog I will smash her windows in, do you want to be responcible for my Nans' windows getting smashed in? Do you want that on your conscience? Well you know what you have to do. You’re so mean!!! Why do you hate me? I can’t believe you hate me because that’s what it’ll mean if you don’t comment, that you hate me.
And just so it’s fair I’ll answer them too…here they are -
1. Would you rather publish your diary or make a movie on your most embarrassing moment?
I don’t keep a diary so I’d be forced to make a film of my most embarrassing moment…which was the time I dropped cake on my lap and my dog licked it off…and I punched him on the nose…what did you think I was gonna put? That I enjoyed the experience a bit too much? Sicko!
2. Would you rather only be able to whisper or only be able to shout?
Faced with those choices I’d whisper so I could get right up to loads of sexy people…and my Nan
3. Would you rather know it all or have it all?
I’d rather have it all because know it alls are annoying wankers : ) and at least I’d have it to learn about it, I was always best at practical examinations anyway so it’s the best choice for me
4. Would you rather forget who you were or who everyone else was?
I think I’d rather forget who every one else is because although it’d be scary not knowing if that person you fancied was a stranger or your cousin which could lead to awkward situations all the teen dramas I watched as a teen (funnily enough) etched in to my brain that you must always remain true to yourself…plus if my cousin knowingly slept with me or even tongued me it’s their actions that are questionable not mine because I was none the wiser.
I wonder if that would mean you wouldn’t know what a cat or a giraffe was either? You could always learn those again though, I don’t think it does mean that anyway, maybe I’m analysing this question too much? Yeah I think I am
- Location:bristol
- Mood: chipper
- Music:poppitypoppity
Do you want to help with my brothers homework?
It’s about anagrams, he has to get as many words he can out of ‘Chocolate Buttons and Lemonade’. Can you think of any?
I’ve got Cache Tool, Ale Demon (My Mom says he’s not allowed to use that one) and Stone Butt (Or that one)
As you can see you don’t have to use all the letters but please help because it’s a competition and if he wins he gets a certificate and ’some goodies’ (They’ve not been specified) and we (That we is me and you plus my family) get the satisfaction of helping a little eight year old succeed in life : ) And don’t be saying ’Ah he hasn’t won if he gets help’ because you know as well as I do all the other kids will be getting help too : P
This is Tu Fei, a Chinese sixty two year old former factory working self taught ballerina.
He started teaching himself ballet 12 years ago from books and television shows. Weirdly though the books he read were ‘Be Bold with Bananas by Crescent Books’, ‘How to Make Love While Conscious by Guy Kettelhack’ and ‘How to Read a Book by Mortimer J. Adler and Charles Van Doren’ and the TV programmes he watched were ‘Help!...it’s the Hair Bear Bunch’ ‘Stephen Gets His Hair Cut Comedy Show’ and ‘Picture Box’
Nah I’ve made it up that he watched and read them (Not that it was his method of learning though) but they’re all real books and programmes seriously : )
Tu makes his money dancing at private functions like weddings and business events, I wonder what type of function hires a sixty two year old transvestite ballerina? Would you? I would.
This is what he says "When performing, if I wear a mask, the audience would think I am a professional female dancer, although my shape is a bit chubby," I don’t think it’s the fact he is chubby that will give him away, male and female ballet people are slim and fit it’ll be the bulge between his legs won’t it?
Tu Fei adds "Dancing is my life now. I'll dance Swan Lake until my dying day” (None of the many other ballets then? It‘s because he loves the swan in the Tchaikovsky ballet)"
Fair play to him, it makes him happy and I hope he does do it until his dying day…which at sixty two might not be long…that makes it sound like I wish death upon him, I don’t.
You know (Well the ones who like football will anyway) How Man City are getting the reputation of buying a million strikers? Well Villa are the same with wingers : ) Martin O Neil has brought his seventy fifth winger (I think it’s about his seventh) from Middlesborough (What are your thoughts billyprior?) Stewart Downing, who is twenty five next week, for £12million on a four year contract.
The thing that a few people are having a whinge about is that Downing is expected to have a screw removed from the fractured bone in September and may not be available to play until October at the earliest (Season starts 15th August), arriving at Bodymoor Heath (The training ground) on crutches but they shouldn’t really moan about that for too long if we buy a few more people.
It did make me laugh that he passed the medical though “Yeah you’re looking pretty healthy…hang on what’s that?” “Just a big comfy sock” “Oh fair enough…why have you got them crutches?” “They’re not crutches they’re pool cues I play a lot” “Two games at a time?” “…yep”
To be fair if Michael Owen can pass a medical anyone can : P
The other reason why people shouldn’t moan is that it was Stiliyan Petrov (Villa midfielder) who did it to him in the penultimate game of last season!!! So it’s only fair we take on his injured soul. That’d be a great rule if they put it into action, if you injure someone you have to have them in their team : )…although Man City would still get everyone.
- Location:kiss me
- Mood: full
- Music:kiss me
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